The best of the best is right here

…probably not. 

My brain works in weird ways sometimes.  You’re thinking, “So does mine.”  Yah, I guess we all have our own oddities but that’s what makes us unique.  Even as publicly as I try to narrate my inner thoughts, there are some I simply can’t pen; not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t.

On a slightly related note, I think that the best writers are able to not only convey their feelings to an audience, but are also able to make a personal connection to whoever reads what they write.  I’ll never be able to consistently hit that level of writing but I know that there are times when more than a few people have connected with what I was writing about.

Anyhow, here are some things on my mind.  I roughly penned all of these ideas while at a three-hour biosafety training meeting…so keep that in mind.

(1) There have many times I’ve felt like writing but just can’t put two words together.  It’s happened to me in terms of this blog but has also happened in terms of graduate school applications (back in 2007) and other instances where I’ve needed to write something.  Of course I’m talking about ‘writer’s block’. 

There are two ways to attack it: (a) just drive through and write something, no matter how terrible, and edit it later or (b) just step back and let the writing flow naturally at a later time.  While I’ve definitely both quite a bit, I now have a slight preference for option ‘a’ because once you’ve actually completed something, you feel a sense of accomplishment.  In addition, you give yourself a baseline because you know what you’ve completed was done in a less-than-stellar mental state.  So you can take that and try again, knowing something ‘complete’ is already composed.

But, hey, I’m sure some of you vehemently disagree and would strongly prefer option ‘b’…

(2) I was not all that bored by today’s biosafety training (I mean, come on, they showed scenes from “Outbreak”…how cool is that?) but began to think about how to defeat boredom.  Most people would answer, ‘just ignore the speaker if he or she is not interesting’. 

However, I think of boredom during these kinds of times to remind of the great times I will be having with friends and family later on.  And I only wish that those times could slow down.  So I vow to try and never become bored because all that will do is frustrate me given the situation I am in and still changing nothing. 

And if I want to be able to ‘fast forward’ through the boring parts, how am I going to train myself to slow down and enjoy the more seemingly worthwhile moments?

And yes, I realize the complete hypocrisy in saying that we should try to make the best of ‘boring’ meetings while doodling/penning random idea in my notebook.

(3) Not a joke.  This always happens to me.  I see a long line for something…say a food truck, clothing store, CVS, etc.  I jump in the back of the line thinking, ‘Yah it’s bad, but I feel bad for the suckers who’re going to get caught behind me.’  Then the line moves and moves towards the counter…but somehow no one is standing behind me.  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST PERSON IN A LINE?!  That’s my simple question.

(4) Do all Japanese MLB pitchers have the exact same throwing motion?  Honestly, if you were to somehow blur out the faces of MLB pitchers and show me random pitcher videos, I could definitely tell you who is Japanese and who is not.  My two prime examples: Hiroki Kuroda and Daisuke Matsuzaka.  Watch and agree.   

[It's not as if I can discriminate a Dominican pitcher from a Cuban one just by their motion.  Weird.]

That’s all for now.  Much love.

Naturally following the line of burrito and diet soda rankings comes The Last Meal.  Okay, so it’s not completely a natural progression, but it follows the motif of culinary concoctions.  [I apologize to anyone who knows/knew someone on death row.  I sincerely mean no offense but am using this 'last meal' idea to relay a concept I want to get across.]

My simple question is: You are to have one last meal on Earth.  What will it consist of?  Imagine that you are limited to five items and have an unlimited appetite and budget.  Seriously.  Unlimited.

I’ll give you my last meal but am more interested in hearing yours, even if you tell me about this ‘delicious T-bone steak’ you crave

Post below in the comments, on Facebook, on GTalk, etc. 

My Last Meal

[All of the below to be made vegan]
1. Macaroni and cheese
Straight up Velveeta-style.  In other words, soft shells with lots of gooey cheese sauce.
2. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
Creamy vanilla with chocolate chips and lots of cookie dough.  As in, make it rain cookie dough.
3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch and soymilk
There is something magical about pouring the first bowl of CTC from a freshly opened box.  I think Wendell is inside of the box blowing out cinnamon and sugar magic dust upon opening the box.  None of the succeeding bowls ever match up.  And that soymilk better be creamy and delicious Silk Vanilla. 
4. My mom’s bhinda/bhataka shaak (cut, cooked, and spiced okra/potatoes)
You think I would leave out home cooking?  Bhinda/bhataka is the best combination this side of Brady/Moss.  And my mom’s version?  Unbeatable.
—
I’ll admit.  After the top four, there is a huge dropoff.  I had to struggle to think about #5.  Unfortunately, two #5 ideas came to mind. 
—
5. (Tie): Root Beer - in a frosted mug
A tall glass of ice cold root beer is unbeatable.  Most of you think that root beer is nasty.  Sorry.  Not this customer here.  Pour me a cold one.
5. (Tie): Jamaican Jerk Seitan - from Horizons Gourmet in Philadelphia
The second of my #5 ideas is from one of the best restaurants I’ve ever been to.  Horizons is ludicriously expensive but oh-so-good.  Their Jamaican Jerk Seitan is incredible…spiced and seasoned to perfection.  For those unfamiliar with’ jerk’, Wiki says, “Jerk seasoning principally relies upon two items: allspice (called “pimento” in Jamaica) and Scotch bonnet peppers (among the hottest peppers on the Scoville scale). Other ingredients include cloves, cinnamon, scallions, nutmeg, thyme, garlic.”

A quick look into death row inmates’ last meal selections reveals some interesting historical tidbits:

(A) PETA requested that Oklahoma City bomber Tim McVeigh eat a vegan last meal in order to prevent further destruction of life.  While prison officials scoffed at the idea, McVeigh personally wrote back stating that plants have circulatory systems and therefore the capacity to feel pain (true).  Therefore, humans should just accept their place on the food chain (um, okay).  For his last meal, he chose two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  Not vegan, but still a vegetarian meal; surprising, given his hunting background.
(B) Philip Workman, a Nashville native who killed a policeman during a botched robbery, did not request a last meal, but instead asked that a large vegetarian pizza be sent to a homeless person.  His request was denied but once it was made public, thousands of vegetarian pizzas were donated by individuals to Nashville food shelters.

Other interesting facts:
*Alcohol and tobacco are generally not allowed but exceptions have been made. 
*Many times, last meals are limited to what is available within the prison system. 
*Some states have a $40 limit on a last meal. 
*Maryland does not grant a ‘last meal’. 
*A look into fictional and real last meals does not reveal too much of a difference between the two. 

We’ve now covered me, two criminals, and some other footnotes.  What about you…

espn.com published its All-Decade NFL team but I have some disagreements with it.  *I can’t necessarily evaluate positions such as defensive tackle because comparing Kris Jenkins to Richard Seymour is apples to oranges.  [And being a lineman in a 3-4 is totally different than being in a 4-3.]*

Remember that this is an All-Decade team and not who I would start a team with today…

QB:  Tom Brady
He rewrote the record books with his 2007 campaign.  4 Super Bowl appearances and 3 championships.  I was almost tempted to put Peyton Manning here because of his statistical dominance over the past decade.  But he has played with one of the best receivers ever (Marvin Harrison), in a dome for 8+ games a year, and within a system designed for tons of 300-yard passing games.  Brady is my lover.  I can’t wait for him to return to dominance this year.

RBs:  LaDainian Tomlinson
I even wrote RBs to signify that I wanted to put multiple running backs here but I can’t.  LT owns.  Who else would I put here?  Priest Holmes?  Marshall Faulk? (if this was a 1994-2004 team, then maybe him…but it’s not…)  I think that Adrian Peterson will make the next All-Decade team at this position.

WRs:  Marvin Harrison, Randy Moss
Harrison’s numbers are simply too hard to ignore.  Possibly the best route runner of the decade too.  Moss could and still can take on two or three defenders at a time.  Ridiculous.  A case is to be made for Torry Holt and TO, but criminal Harrison and smoothie man Moss top the list.

TE:  Tony Gonzalez
Duh.

I’m going to ignore O-lineman because all the same ones already get recognized and there’s no real way to differentiate them; Jones, Pace, Ogden, Birk, Mawae, Faneca, etc….they’re all great.

LBs:  Ray Lewis, Derrick Brooks, Zach Thomas
Lewis was the centerpiece of one of the best defenses over the past decade, Brooks is everywhere, and Thomas made every tackle for the Dolphins over the past decade.

CBs:  Champ Bailey, Ty Law
Stop howling that I put Law here.  For the early part of this decade, Law gambled and always won.  Chris McAlister never lived up to his potential.  Troy Vincent was amazing but no Law in my opinion.  Nnamdi Asmougha is still too young for this list.

Safeties:  Brian Dawkins, Bob Sanders, Troy Polamalu, Ed Reed
I could not pick two simply because Polamalu and Reed receive all the accolades (rightfully so), but Sanders, when healthy, is EVERYWHERE (props for the 5′8” guy with a 40″ vertical), and Dawkins has been the centerpiece of the defense that has been to 5 out of the last 8 NFC championship games.

[Today's title is brought to you by the name of the strawberry kiwi lifewater from Sobe.]

Many of you were intrigued by my burrito rankings from a while ago (see below). I did it to remember the places I’d been but it also allowed me to get recommendations on where I should go next. I am extremely happy that all of you took interest! Thank you for your input.

Now I present my diet soda rankings. I drink regular (original) soda maybe once a month, if that. The reason is that I can save a hundred or two hundred calories a day this way.  I may not always make the healthiest choices, but this is one of them.  There is the detrimental dental effect of diet soda consumption, but for the sake of argument let’s say you otherwise take great care of your teeth :-) 

For those still concerned about a diet soda-cancer link, many studies negate that link. Here’s one report:
—

Large government study
The new study, by scientists at the National Cancer Institute, involved 340,045 men and 226,945 women, ages 50 to 69, participating in a research project by the National Institutes of Health and AARP, formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons.

From surveys they filled out in 1995 and 1996 detailing food and beverage consumption, researchers calculated how much aspartame they consumed, especially from sodas or from adding the sweetener to coffee or tea.

Over the next five years, 2,106 developed blood-related cancers such as lymphoma or leukemia, and 376 developed brain tumors. No link was found to aspartame consumption for these cancers in general or for specific types, said Unhee Lim, who reported the study’s findings.

—

Here is my list (from worst to best). I’ll make the disclaimer that none of these is really all that bad tasting, but I’m grading on a curve

(10): Diet Ginger Ale. Sorry. Had to start somewhere. There’s no essence of real ginger in Ginger Ale and no essence of real Ginger Ale in Diet Ginger Ale.  So…Diet Ginger Ale = worthless.  This is the perfect equation for our loser today.  Tough competition.
(9): Diet Root Beer. I always have such high hopes when I buy a bottle/can. I’m looking for a bite and never really get one. [I probably drink regular root beer more so than any other soda because I like its taste so much.]  Only Diet Barq’s really delivers. Regardless, this drink needs to be ice cold in order to satisfy but otherwise my mom’s ‘tastes like medicine’ comments hold true.
(8): Diet Sunkist. Again, it’s an expectations thing. I’m looking for a bite. Original Sunkist doesn’t have the same type of bite that original root better does, but it’s a bite nonetheless. Again, it needs to be ice cold otherwise it completely loses its effect.  The chemical lab-like orange color does little to help its case.
(7): Diet Pepsi. It’s the worst tasting of the best sellers. Just not as good as Diet Coke and the constantly changing bottle label colors aren’t helping either. Don’t try and entice me with your ‘Max’ labels…I don’t want ‘Max’ amounts of whatever you put in there…I’ve had enough, thanks.  But more Britney Spears ads, please.
(6): Sprite Zero. One magazine article ranked this as the top diet soda because of its simplicity in taste. There are certainly days when I agree but again, the competition is tough so simplicity is just not enough.  Not quite a ‘zero’ but not a winner either.
(5): Diet Coke. My usual choice of drink with a burrito.  A real classic.
(4): Coke Zero. Wait, scratch that.  This is my choice of drink with a burrito. The Zero edges its less cool cousin by a hair because of its resemblance to real Coca Cola and because of the rare appearance of Vanilla Coke Zero in a restaurant near you.
(3): Diet 7up. Not thought of as much as the others, but still a super drink. A little bit more lemon-lime in taste than Sprite Zero. Your best ’safe’ choice.
(2): Diet Mountain Dew. Extremely undervalued. Has the bite. Has a taste that doesn’t make you think it’s something totally different than original Mountain Dew. Do the Dew is an awesome slogan. And as an underdog compared to the other giants at the top of this list, it’s hard not to root for.
(1): Diet Dr. Pepper. WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED ONE?! While the regular is superb by itself, Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, a recent addition to the Diet Dr. Pepper line (even more recent than Black Cherry, Cherry Chocolate, and French Vanilla Cherry…how weird is that…), truly puts Diet Dr. Pepper over the top.  Oh Diet Dr. Pepper, I want to get my PhD from wherever you got yours.

Not applicable: Fresca. It’s pretty killer because of its fruity bite (I guess that’s the defining term of this entry), but since it does not have a regular counterpart (it’s not even advertised as ‘diet’), it’s ineligible for this list. Based on taste alone, it’s probably 2A in my rankings.

So enjoy a zero-calorie drink and I sure will too. A toast to you…to many more happy years ahead.

Wait!  Am I missing a drink? Diet Sierra Mist? RC Cola? Tab? Well, write your comments below or let me know!

Hey everyone,

I hope things are going well for you.  I am finishing my time at UPenn.  I received my master’s degree (cellular and molecular biology) last month and have been volunteering in a lab since then.  I get to learn new skills for the next few weeks without the added pressure of schoolwork.  This is also convenient because my lease runs out at the end of the June and I need something to do until then!

—

This last week, I went through my annual ritual of getting sick for a week.  Cold…flu…I don’t know.  I caught something on the way to Los Angeles and have been trying to fend it off since.  Last Friday, I tried something in Jainism called a Mohn Vrata where you are silent (or as possible as can be) for a whole day.  For religious purposes, its intent is to make a person reflect on his or her environment.  [Conveniently as a result of me being sick I lost my voice as well.]  I honestly felt as if it made a significant difference.  I felt more aware of my surroundings and was able to listen to people without thinking of what I would say (or in this case communicate) in return. 

I won’t be able to shut myself up permanently but it’s something I will try more often.  I really think that if you are able to try it for one morning, it will do a lot of good.  I did have to carry a small pad and pen around but most everyone I communicated with that morning picked up on my verbal and hand gestures.

Try it! 

—

Today’s Onion calendar in our bathroom has a hilarious horoscope.  Paraphrasing, “You claim to want adventure and to try new things but usually you just fill up on free salad and breadsticks.”

—

Making things personal.  If you want to make a difference, make something personal.  Instead of passing someone in the hall and saying, “Hello” or “What’s up?”, say, “Hey John” or “Hey Sarah”…adding a name to things just makes that greeting so much more personal.

This can be especially useful for those friends you are not extra close with because it brings you two closer together, and hell, it just makes you feel good.

Another example.  I was at Ami’s dental school graduation last month.  A classmate of hers who is a good guy but I don’t keep in touch with that much asked me how I was doing so I responded in kind.  Then he remembered all of this stuff about my academic happenings and it really caught me by surprise that he had remembered all of this information that either Ami or I had told him a while ago.  It made the conversation more personal…more so than just talking to a friend of someone I know.

—

My uncool list based on recent happenings:
1.  Ending a thought or sentence with two periods/dots instead of one or three.  Are you ending a sentence or continuing a thought?  Make up your mind!
2.  Rice rockets
3.  Burger King French Fries
4.  Cars that fly through pedestrian crosswalks when I happen to be crossing one
5.  Southwest Airlines (could be others too) for removing airplane blankets due to swine flu
6.  SEPTA (the public transit system in Philly) for giving you only the maximum tokens for the money you put into the machine (as opposed to you getting a choice of how many tokens you want…so if you have only a $20…you have to get 12 tokens)…switch to a damn card system like the MBTA, RTA, MTA, etc.
7.  Campus Apartments for removing my bike from the bike rack while doing repairs and failing to show up at the mutually agreed time for me to come and pick it up.

—

That’s all for now.  Back to lab work but it felt good to just write for a bit and get some thoughts out.  Much love to everyone

This is also posted to Facebook…

I am on the hunt for America’s best vegetarian/vegan (sorry omnivores) burrito! Feedback needed from anyone who reads this! Give me the name of the restaurant/place and city, or if homemade, the recipe as precisely as you can detail it…GO!!! [Leave feedback on Facebook or here...]

In my many years of burrito eating, here are my rankings (I’m sure to add to them as I eat more/remember where I’ve eaten in previous years):

(Somewhere near the bottom) Anna’s Taqueria
http://www.annastaqueria.com/
Highly overrated for vegetarians/vegans.  The beans are not vegetarian (wtf) and the ’super burrito’ size is laughable.  Only put this on here to piss off people who love this place.
(Mediocre, but passable) Qdoba
http://www.qdoba.com/
In terms of quantity/fill per burrito, Qdoba is on par with any place.  Black and pinto beans are available.  Their guacamole is pretty good and the salsas are pretty decent as well.  You could do worse.
(Same as above) Baja Fresh
http://www.bajafresh.com/
The guacamole needs lots of work.  I had to add hot sauce, lemon, and salt to it.  Otherwise, the ones I’ve been to cater to vegetarians very nicely.  Decent sizes and decent portions.  Gotta’ love the salsa/toppings bar.
(Pretty good) Chipotle
http://www.chipotle.com/
I discovered this in Cleveland while going to Case.  Everyone needs to have a Chipotle otherwise death will occur (quote from one of my students).  The cilantro-lime rice is perfect as are the fajita vegetables.  It’s a shame that the pinto beans are not vegetarian otherwise this place would be higher on my list.  Quality top-notch.
(Same as above) Mad 4 Mex
http://www.madmex.com/static/menus/madmex_mainmenu.pdf
The options are fantastic for vegetarians.  The vegan cheese and tofu sour cream are just icing on the cake…or fillings in the burrito???  The quality of the food itself is okay.  The texture of the tofu is great…hard on the outside, but chewy once you bite in.  However, there’s no seasoning on the tofu.  Makes it pretty bland.  Overall, I give it a high ranking because of the variety…not necessarily the quality of the burrito itself.
(Awesome) Santa Fe
http://www.santafeburrito.com/
The wheat gluten burrito is delicious.  Absolutely delicious.  If only guacamole was included instead of being an extra.  That’s kind of a sham for a vegetarian burrito.
(The best) Lucky’s Mexican Spot
http://philadelphia.citysearch.com/profile/44829017/philadelphia_pa/lucky_s_mexican_spot.html#profileTab-reviews
Here’s the deal.  Tortilla.  Mexican rice.  Black beans and/or refried beans (I just stick to the black normally).  Seasoned chana (as in chana batura [chick peas] you get at an Indian restaurant).  Seasoned tofu.  Hot sauce, lettuce, pico de gallo, and guacamole.  Heaven.

Tell me what I’m missing!  I’m sure I’ve eaten burritos at 100 other places that I’m forgetting.  By the way, I’m not counting Taco Bell…because nothing will ever top TB :p

Note: My friend Mark Ayoub adds Taqueria Cancun in San Francisco.  Never been but sounds awesome!

Note note: Other friends have chimed in, with Boloco [been there once, wasn't too pleased...but I need to go there more], California Tortilla, and El Faro.  Todd had the genius idea of adding Leutner, our college cafeteria at Case.  That ranks miles below Anna’s but yet I think I’ve eaten more burritos from there than from anywhere else.  Okay, scratch that.  Leutner gets a bump because I got as much guacamole as I wanted.  However, it gets demoted because the guacamole was in stock once a decade.  [Maybe I was the cause of that?]

Thanks to Arvind for the comment below (he likes Mama Mexico’s) and thanks to all who have responded!  I want more responses…keep ‘em rolling. 

One day I will eat all of these!

Ever had a case of ’senioritis’?  A mild one?  A severe one?  What’s the prescription for it?  MORE!

Senioritis is okay.  I want you to embrace it.  If you’re graduating, leaving school, leaving your job, etc.  Anything that has to do with geographic relocation can be classified as senioritis.  Have I caught it before?  Absolutely! 

Senior year at Case Western, once I received my first graduate school acceptance, I essentially put down my books and enjoyed everything I had ever wanted to in Cleveland and on campus.  In summary, I spent half my time with my girlfriend and half my time doing activities with my fraternity brothers with overlap between the two, of course.  By graduation, I played in more intramural hockey games than I had in the previous three and a half years.  Same with community service.  Ditto for random talks, plays, events, etc.  More importantly, I learned more about my friends than I had in the previous three and a half years. 

Life seemed more fun.  It was.  But at what cost?  Minimal, if anything at all.  On paper, the only thing I had to worry about was not failing.  However, strangely, aside from Physics II E&M (more like S&M…but not as enjoyable), I did very well academically.  So it is not as if my parading through Cleveland and Case Western my senior year came at the expense of academics.

Fast forward two years later.  I am leaving Penn in May.  What does this call for?  Senioritis!  Does that mean being lazy and goofing off?  If you read the above, you’d know that the answer is absolutely not.  In fact, I’m more productive than I have been in a while.  I’m attending biology department seminars, random talks given by professors or students I’ve never even heard of, going to ‘optional’ recitation sessions for my genetics class (I was the only student who showed up today!), etc.  It’s as if ’senioritis’ is kicking me in the butt saying, ‘DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO DO!’  Outside of academics, I’ve played poker at an Atlantic City casino, I am going to a Flyers-Bruins hockey game with Shrenik on Sunday, and will likely get to do a lot of things I haven’t done in my time at Penn.

My point is this: embrace senioritis.  It is really the truest form of hedonism possible.  Not giving two shits about anything is almost like putting yourself in a drunken state where your inhibitions are lowered and your desires are fulfilled.  For me, they happen to be partially nerdy (wanting to go to seminars and recitations).  The nerd part is about soaking in as much from Penn as possible.  Maybe it’s because I do not know if I will be in school next year and am grasping onto whatever pieces of knowledge I can find.

But maybe it’s because I could care less about responsibility and am doing what I want to do.

The preamble:

Manoj says, “People always want to have more stories to tell.” I first thought that was because other people might enjoy listening to these stories.  But I’ve now realized that turning your own experiences into stories is not about others, but about yourself.  Stories help you remember a particular experience better, independent of its impact on a potential listener.  And I have a story for you…but I’m writing it out mainly so that I can better remember it

The fun part:

The last three months have been very stressful.  Between my qualifying exam, academics, and other matters, I have not been relaxed (though I’ve always been happy or at least tried to be ) for a very long time.  Not long after today’s genetics exam was over, I decided that the best kind of stress relief would be to blow $100 playing in a poker tourney at an Atlantic City casino, the Tropicana.

By 3:30 PM, I was at the bus station in downtown Philly, hopped on a bus to Atlantic City, walked over to the Tropicana where I knew a tournament would start later that evening based on a brief internet search that I’d done.  It was a $100 buy-in tournament where you get a fixed amount of poker chips (15,000)…this is different than other forms of poker because you can’t be bullied by high rollers throwing tons of money into the pot since in a tourney, everyone starts off with the same amount and can only play with that amount (no add-ons/rebuys allowed).

My entry slip.

I didn’t expect anything out of this evening…in fact, I expected to entertain myself for as little as half-an-hour (if I stunk) or as long as an hour (if I was not as horrible as I thought). 

But one hand led to another, and out of a starting pool of 69 people, I made it to the final table (8) at around 11:45 PM.  I’ll omit the details, but that’s over 4 hours, a liter of water, two orders of avocado sushi, a bag of Stacy’s pita chips, and a pack of Tic-Tacs after I started. 

My sushi!

There’s no way in my freakin’ mind I thought that I’d EVER be this lucky…let alone in the first poker tourney I’ve ever played in.

Quick side note: Poker takes a healthy amount of luck and a LOT of patience.  A LOT of patience.

Back to the story.  At this point, I was excited because we’d received notice during the course of the evening that because 69 people were in the tournament, 7 would receive a payout.  So being at the final table (again, 8 people) meant I was nearly guaranteed to win something!  8 went to 7 (the remaining players all chipped in some money for 8^th place to reward him for his good play) and at that point, I was on cloud nine. 

Unfortunately, I could have been on cloud fifteen.  Here’s how…

When the table came down to 4 people, I was the chip leader (I didn’t think so but one of the remaining players who had a very short stack in comparison [so he had no reason to be biased] thought I did) or a damn close second. 

At that point, there were essentially two large stacks (mine being one) and two small stacks.  The guy with the other large stack proposed a ‘chip count’ end to the 4-way battle; basically, that’s like dividing up the money according to your chip proportions at the time as opposed to playing through until there’s one winner and earning the amount the casino tells you that you win.  [Apparently, a mutually agreeable deal amongst all players overrides house rules.]

Foolishly (or not, depending on your ‘deal or no deal’ perspective), I objected, because I stood a chance to win $2,760 (the casino’s assigned winner’s pot if we played the whole way through) if I won the whole thing. 

[If I had accepted the ‘chip count’ proposal, I probably would have taken home around $2,000.]

I was the only one to object to this.  I guess majority karma wins (the three other guys were ready to accept the proposal) because I went from chip leader to short stack very quickly and ultimately lost on an all-in pair of 10s.  Another guy had a pair of aces and called.  He won.  4^th place for me.

My certificate. 

All three of the guys who beat me were seasoned players playing in events around the world for many years (one each in his 40s, 60s, and 70s).

Ultimately, I took home $621…and some incredible memories that I’m writing about at 5:30 AM the next morning.

The fruit of my efforts.

Some other pictures I took:

Standing just outside the borders of addiction.

This gelato looked delicious.

I’ve always liked arrangements of fruits/candy/flowers/anything colorful.

Docendo disco, scribendo cogito - I learn by teaching, think by writing.

Often I don’t know what I am thinking until I write.  Most of the time I still don’t even afterward.  And I feel disappointed.  Or even empty because of self-heightened expectations about what I was supposed to have accomplished by writing.

But today is different.  No matter the outcome of what I write, I will not be disappointed.

I found out this afternoon that I will not be finishing my PhD degree at UPenn…for now.  In what has been the biggest disappointment I have ever experienced (pretty blessed life I’ve lived, right? :-)), I was told that I did not pass my qualifying exam on my 2nd chance.  That means that I will finish this May with a Master’s Degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology. 

My committee tried to frame it such that the Masters degree is for two years of hard work and not for four more years of work that should have been.  But when you are essentially ‘fired’ from what you’ve devoted your life to, it is very hard to think of what you’ve accomplished as opposed to what should have or could have been.

I have absolutely NO idea what I am going to do.  My lease with Manoj and Zack is up June 25th, but the school year ends in early May.  I have no absolutely no plans after that.  First time in my life I have no idea what I’ll be doing in two months…three months…whatever.

I’m actually writing this without having told anyone except Zack, who happened to be sprawled out on the living room couch and asked how my day was (in a bit of good news, he got a new job!) and Shrenik, who called me for unrelated reasons (Achira’s wedding) but I ended up telling him what happened.  I thought it might be better to write first.  Slow down a little.

Shrenik asked me, “How do you feel?”  Maybe graduate school has desensitized my emotions, both in a good and bad way, but the answer to his question is that I feel alright.  Having heard the news that I did is not what I wanted to hear. 

In fact, I was sure that I was set on what I was going to be doing until 2013.  I was ultra sure because I have the tendency to daydream…think ‘what if’…a lot.  But for the first time ever, during the last four weeks, I haven’t gone on a single pharmaceutical company jobs website, law school website, medical school website, etc.  Sure, I’ve been distracted by Gmail, Facebook, ESPN.com, etc., but in terms of my career path, never once did I stray from the task at hand.  And because of that, I began to think, ‘Hmm…maybe this is where I belong’. 

But other people have other ideas, and I’m okay with that.  As usual, I did things systematically.  When I was informed of the news this afternoon by the graduate chair and committee member, I asked the graduate chair, ‘Do I have any other options in order to fulfill my PhD degree at Penn now?’  She said no.  I was out of petitions, options, hunger strikes, terrorist threats (just kidding), etc. 

Then she started talking about career services and other things.  She was trying to be helpful, which I told her I appreciated, but I told her and that all I was concerned about today was finding out my academic options.  The rest of the stuff, I’ll worry about later because it would all go in one ear and out the other given the bad news I’d just received.

Is it a shock?  No.  I told everyone I knew that this could go 50/50.  I did my best to answer tough questions.  I fared better than last time but ultimately it was not enough.

Apparently, I’ve already fulfilled the master’s degree requirements, so I could just coast the rest of the year.  It would be easy to do that, but that’s not in my blood.  The funny thing that sucks is that if you finish your PhD, no one cares about your grades but if you don’t, your grades for future employers or other school programs will become even more important!  And I have an even 3.5 right now…I’ll work hard to keep it. 

I don’t really have time to think about what I want to do next…after this school year ends.  I have a biology exam on Thursday and my sister’s wedding coming up.  The latter will be an absolutely welcome distraction, but after that, it will be back to, ‘What do I do now?’

Maybe 20 years down the road, I’ll laugh at this and think this was the right thing for me.  Many people believe that things happen for a reason and whatever happens turns out for the best.  I don’t know if I subscribe (prescribe?) to that theory but in 20 years’ time, we’ll see.

None of you should feel bad for me.  I did not have the merit to pass, so I did not deserve to.  Are there a number of items which I disagree with on the final report?  You bet.  The final report written by my committee is well-meaning and detailed, but in my opinion, laden with errors.  However, no amount of nitpicking will change the end result.

So I stand before you and ask you, ‘What do I do?’  Leave a comment.  E-mail me.  Something.  I’ll come up with the final answer, but your opinions are always welcome and will shape my thinking.

I remember sitting by the pond just before Friday’s qualifying exam and thinking, ‘What is the one thing I have learned throughout this process?’  And while it is not something new, I was reminded that the fundamental nature of humanity is kindness, forgiveness, and good graces.  Sure, unhealthy amounts of ego, ignorance, and other misdemeanors get in the way, but I have received so much help from people over the last few months and the last couple of years that I know I could not have made it through without them.  Family, friends, classmates, teachers, etc.

Today kinda’ sucked but I have a biology exam to study for, so I’ll put this behind me and move on.  When a real tragedy comes my way, I can only hope I’ll be just as unaffected.  But today…well…I’m just hoping it’s a blessing in a disguise.

Oh yah, I came home today and made a fresh batch of cookies.  I made 8 cookies and the ate the rest of the cookie dough.  Mad relief = ecstasy.

A lot has changed since I last wrote.  My writing style.  My life.  My underwear.  (Clearly, the maturity factor has not.)

Simplicity is the new complexity.

In the mid-1700’s, simpler classical music replaced more complex baroque music.  (For nerds, counterpoint was downplayed in classical music while The result was an incredible age in which the likes of Haydn, Mozart, and others flourished.  This transition also occurred in philosophy and other forms of art which I am not as familiar with.

I say this because my life is on the verge of going into a tailspin.  For now, I’ve stopped it.  How?  Re-filling my Rubbermaid water bottle.  Physically, the lifestyle change I had undergone was slipping away from my hands.  But then I realized I wasn’t drinking enough water.  Pulled myself from the brink.  Water solves everything.  It fills you up.  Cleanses you physically and mentally at no cost.

—

Temporarily, music tastes have changed.  While Opeth, Dream Theater, and Tool will forever be the three groups closest to my taste, I’ve found myself listening to more popular artists, e.g., Coldplay, John Mayer, Daft Punk (maybe not as popular as the first two; the song “Robot Rock” is a winner - you are not human if you are not caught up in the main line), etc.  Some of you are clapping hearing the names of those artists; some of you are vomitting.  I can’t win everyone over :-)  They’re simpler than the artists I usually listen to, but as a poster of Barack Obama with a backdrop of trees with yellow, red, and orange leaves says, “Change: Even trees are gettin’ in on some of that action.”

—

Last night, the lights went out in our apartment.  Back to simpler times.  Zack, Manoj, and I lit up his raspberry-scented candle and engaged in some acoustic guitar/melody/harmony jamming to odd topics such as, well, the lights being out, and the rapist that entered a neighboring building (not a funny topic, but an easy one to make an improv track to ).  We then serenaded our downstairs neighbors.  Zack and Manoj called it a ‘kumbayaa’ moment.  True.  

—

I have a strong feeling my mind will go back to ’simpler’ thoughts in a few weeks.  Right now, it’s completely zoned in on one thing: passing my PhD qualifying exam.  I have a one-track mind regarding the upcoming event, but there are many dimensions to that.  What do I want to present?  How do I want to present it?  Is there enough background information in my slides?

Granted, I have a hell of a life if the most complicating factor is whether to include one or two slides about GlaxoSmithKline’s previous Herpes Simplex Virus 2 vaccine trials to prevent gential herpes. 

–

There’s also the simplicity of behavior.

In my wallet, I carry around a note I typed to myself one day a couple of years back and printed out.  It says:
“1. Drink more water.”
“2. Drop your shoulders.”
“3. Do your work.”

I’ve never been able to achieve the ideals behind what I wrote, but I will not stop trying.

The first one has been partially explained. 

The second one is easy to explain.  Even while I’m typing, my shoulders are bunched and the moment I realize that and drop them to a relaxed position, I feel pain!  I shouldn’t feel pain in my shoulder area unless I’ve been lifting heavy weights.  ‘Drop your shoulders’ is both literal and figurative.  Figuratively, it means relax and take a deep breath.  Look up; all the way up, notice the ceiling, the sky, or whatever is above you, and take notice of your environment.  If you do number 3 (your work), you will have the power to change your surroundings.  You will define your surroundings and your associates; not be defined by them.

—

I remember a scene from ‘Scrubs’ where Turk is upset that The Todd is ahead of him in the attending’s surgery rankings.  The attending tells Turk that The Todd, though unbeliveably vain and misogynist, is always focused on ‘the moment’ (cut to scene where The Todd is amazed by the concept of a simple surgical tool like a pair of scissors) as opposed to what’s ahead or what lies in the future.  The point was exaggerated but clear.

—

That’s all for now.  To those celebrating Valentine’s Day; have a good one…I will :-)  To those going to anti-Valentine’s Day parties, do your best to curse this Hallmark holiday to no end.  No matter, enjoy yourselves and to those that have been there for me throughout the past couple of months, thank you.

Much love…