The best of the best is right here

I don’t know where to begin. I’ve been pretty confused the last few days. Haven’t been paying attention in class. Been avoiding the sunlight. Okay, I’m not really a vampire, but I think that I really need to evaluate why I’m here right now.

This sort of revelation came after talking to a number of people. Boatwright, Todd, my girlfriend, and I’m sure some others. Actually, scratch that. This is not a revelation. Most of you know that I’ve been swirling around some sort of ‘decision’ as to what to do with my myriad skills (just kidding) once I actually am done with an education, whenever that may be.

I hate going to class. I love the opportunity to learn. People remind me, not like I need any more reminders, that I have a wonderful opportunity, because I’m being ‘paid’ $55,000 ($30,000 in tuition + $25,000 stipend) to go to graduate school. But does it serve a purpose? Would a million dollars make me happier? Well, probably, but not by much.

For those wondering what I’m doing here, I am trying to find a research project I will be passionate about. Research starts in the spring and classes slowly phase out. If you’re not passionately into your research, you’re definitely done for. So right now, I’m dragging through classes. Two of the classes are a joke. One class is the biggest asswhooping a person could take. I’m not being lazy. I’m just not motivated right now. I contend there is a reason I spanked Macro Econ and Urban Econ (ok, I know I pass/failed Micro with a high B going into the final…laugh now…) is that, well, uh, I was interested in those classes. Not because they were easy.

It’s only been a month, right? One hell of a long month it’s been. I’m glad my mom will come this weekend. But those times, albeit enjoyable, are short-lived. I’ve been lonely, I wouldn’t say depressed but more in a funk, and I guess just stuck in a real rut. I think what will get me out is…well, I actually really don’t know. I live alone, have no friends here, and I don’t know when that’s going to change.

The prospect of spending Friday nights alone is surely annoying, so acknowledging that, what the hell am I going to do on a Friday night? Study? I don’t know. I should probably join the ISA or some other related organization to find signs of human life that I would like to talk to. I love my classmates. Very diverse and interesting people. However, it seems as if our friendships end whenever the school day does. The international folk go back to their rooms or their cultural group friends. The non-international people I really don’t know too well and do not get much of an opportunity to interact with.

I thought writing some shit out would make me feel better about all of this. I am probably coming off as a crybaby and a spoiled little shit. Sure, I probably am. I just want you all to know that. But whatever the case may be, realization is not the first step to solving the problem. At least in this case.

Right now I’d just like to keep on learning, drag myself through classes, and hopefully land myself with a sweet research project. And then we’ll see. Maybe the sun will come up. But don’t think I don’t think about all of you who are looking after me. I really appreciate that. But I’m tired of swallowing my own bullshit. I’m done with that. It’s probably funny because it’s so inconsequential to most of you. You’re probably laughing. And to a degree, I am as well. It’s silly, but stupid. It’s meh, but woah. It’s happy, and it’s sad. So laugh away. It’s all good.

I’m going to see where this goes. Clearly just typing hasn’t done me much good. But hey, at least you read this. It means something to me.

Peace and much love to all of you.

There is a real feminist revolution going on in television. Actually, no, it’s more of an emasculation. Think about it. Most of the shows on TV are breaking down what was thought to be a true man. Two and a Half Men. Scrubs. These are all shows where the lead characters are not the traditional manly man or if they are, they’re generally overpowered by their wives (i.e. Charlie Sheen on the former and Turk [whatever his real name is] on the latter). The only show I can think where a real man is left is Jack Bauer, from 24. There is no questioning his authority. He will win. Plain and simple.

Of course, all of this comes as I sit in a laundromat, blogging, watching The View and One Life to Live. I am the definition of a real man. I will soon down a glass of vanilla soymilk when I get home and sweep the floor. Scratch that. I already swept the floor. My place is quite immaculate.

I got to thinking on this topic because of that new ABC show, Big Shots? or something like that, where it chronicles four tools who think they are the shit when all they are thinking about is money and women, and more often that not, women aside from each of their respective wives. Of course, it comes into play that the wives are the real controlling parties in all of their lives. Surprising.

I don’t necessarily think that this is a bad thing. It’s just a thought. Maybe it’s appealing to see a man go down or be taken over. Maybe having a woman being taken over by a man just doesn’t make for appealing TV to the public. It’s probably because the public persona of a man is that he is dominant. And to see something like that on television would be too ordinary. So the media wants to create the character of the softy, the man that many women yearn for, but any dude who watches television just thinks, ‘What a —– (insert expletive or slur here).’ But is the guy who makes that comment actually believing that the TV character is a tool or is he saying that because of his own inadequacies? You be the judge.

Genius move of the day:

I put my laundry in the washer. Good. And then I took it out and proceeded to put it into another washer. Not so good.

Next time, I’ll probably talk about how awesome being a TA is and the 800-pound gorilla that is the October 15th exam I will be happy to score in the 50s on.

Peace and love.

Holy shit, I’m posting twice in a week.  I must have something terribly important to say…or not…

(1)  So here’s the deal.  I finally got my ATM card in the mail after losing my wallet.  Unfortunately, the PIN number, which the supplementary letter said would be carried over from my old card, DID NOT carry over.  Now I have to wait five business days to get my letter with the pin number in it.  If the letter has the pin number which I have been punching (literally, punching) into the machine for the last two days, I’ll revoke my forgoing of alcohol, go to the liquor store, and make myself a handy ‘cocktail’ of a certain kind.  Just kidding.

Sovereign strikes out once again.  It is not America’s Neighborhood Bank.  It is trash.  Plain and simple. 

(2)  I feel like a horrible Jain.  I went to Taco Bell and investigated whether the beans had onions in them.  The lady, after looking at me really confused after I started to question her (lightly, of course), said, ‘Baby, I been working here for three years.  I know what’s in them beans.  There’s beans, beans, and more beans.  Nothin’ pre-packaged.  You don’t want no onions, then don’t get none.’  It’s funny to what lengths I tried to go around the Paryushana/Das Lakshana guidelines.  (Which, for non-Jains, means not eating onions, garlic, or other underground vegetables for eight or ten days, depending on when you celebrate the occasion.)

The burrito was tasty.

(3)  I also went to get an oral lesion checked out by Penn hospital service.  My girlfriend is the one who wanted me to get it done because I’d been ignoring it for, I dunno, 17 years.  The doctor noted in the computer that ‘patient asked to see doctor by girlfriend.’  Real official, right there.  The doc was nice and I think I might go see an oral surgeon.  Nothing bad.  Just something that might need to be removed.  I mean, my uncle had a bump on his chest that he didn’t get removed for 10 years and by the time it became cancerous, it put him at a health risk and he died during surgery.  Sooo…not taking chances there.

(4)  I looked at the first practice exam for my cell biology / biochemistry class.  I looked at it and then proceeded to do the following.  Count my blessings because I had survived this far.  Wondered if the exam was scanned upside down.  Checked to see if the font was Times New Roman and not Wingdings.  Screamed.  Ran.  Pulled my pants back up.  (I don’t know why I threw that in there but it seemed rather inappropriate.)

(5)  This is the 6th time (freshman year high school biology, senior year biology, sophomore year college biology, junior year, senior year, first year graduate school) I have been asked to memorize the amino acids.  Funny.  Except I never bothered the first five times.

Much love. 

There is so much to write.

(1) I just found a 24-hour grocery store with all of my vegan needs. The catch? $35 membership / year plus two hours of working there per month. Might consider. It’s really a normal grocery store except you get a key to shop after hours and you use the credit card machine yourself. Really a honor system. A lot of honor, actually.

(2) I love, I mean, LOVE, not having a TV. I really don’t need cable, let alone anything but a 5-inch black and white TV. Especially when I can still see the Pats kick ass tomorrow night (it’s on NBC) against the Chargers. I don’t even have reliable internet. I like it as well. I can’t be hooked to Gmail as much! Now I know why many Amish like how they live!

(3) I have a lot to be forgiven for, but I also have a lot I give to people.

(4) I watched Garden State last night. Not bad. I watched The Butterfly Effect. That was actually good. Maybe it’s because Amy Smart is hot. But the movie was worth my time.

(5) There is so much vegan shit in Philadelphia I had no idea. The cafeterias at Penn basically have my favorite foods everywhere, including vegan crepes. Who knew?

(6) I lost my wallet a few days ago. Not having money until my ATM card comes in means that I’m saving about $43 a day (since I am not spending anything). It’s nice but it’s time my damn card came in the mail.

(7) Sovereign Bank. Fuck you. I have an account in New England but since I am in the mid-Atlantic, cannot withdraw money from a branch here (can use my ATM card). Sovereign Bank is not my ‘local bank’ as the ad claims. I’m switching to Citizens. They had a table full of free shit just for setting up an account. If it is a national bank (meaning I can take out money at any Citizens Bank branch), I’ll join this week.

That’s all. I love being where I am. Holla’ back.